MyThoughts

     I believe that many people struggle with the same dilemma after graduating from high school.  Many people feel pressured to decide what they are going to do with the rest of their lives as if their entire lives will revolve around that decision.  That is not necessarily the case.  I have met several people that have changed their majors in college or that have changed jobs several times before they finally settled on something they were content with.  Sometimes experience is the best teacher.  We do not always know what we want until we figure out what it is we do not want.  I guess what I am really trying to say is that it is OK to make mistakes as long as you learn from them. 

Suggestion #1- Figure out what it is you want for yourself and not what others want for you.

     This can be one of the most difficult things to decide for some people.  It is imperative that you choose a path that is personally satisfying to you.  There is a clear difference in the people that are employed doing something they really enjoy compared to those who dislike their jobs.  The ones who are doing something they love actually look forward to their work and feel they are making a difference in the world.  Those same people are usually much more productive because they are more motivated to do what it is they love.  This in turn make their lives more satisfying.  Life is too short to be stuck doing something that makes you miserable. 

You can start the process of figuring out what you want by asking yourself these questions:

• "What am I good at?" or "What are my natural gifts and talents?"
• "What do I like to do in my free time?"
• "What are the things that I definitely do not want to do?"
• "What are the things that I feel I am not very good at?"
• "What type of work would make me feel good about myself?"
• "What type of work would make me feel as if I am giving back?"

More times than not, the people who are satisfied with their professions are those that have a genuine love for their work in combination with having some amount of natural ability to perform the job.

Suggestion #2- Set some goals.

     Once you figured out what type of career you would like to pursue, the next logical step is to figure out how to get there.  Setting some goals is one of the best ways to do that.  You now need to ask yourself, "What is required to become whatever it is that I have chosen?"  Does it require a college degree?  Does it require experience in the field?  Does it require training through a trade school?  Find out the requirements and then come up with a plan to achieve those requirements.

Suggestion #3- Do what it takes to achieve your goals. 

     Figuring out what you want to do and actually following through with it are two very different things.  Those that have the will to set goals and follow through in achieving them will always have a much better chance of getting what they want.

While deciding what you want to do and setting goals may seem like difficult tasks, following through with your plan will probably be the most difficult.  Are you prepared to make the necessary sacrifices?  Depending on what you choose to do, certain sacrifices might include; working and going to school simultaneously, sleeing less hours, socializing less, financial hardship and feeling stressed out or overburdened.  Life is not easy and by default, neither is starting a career.  If you can exercise the drive and integrity to work for what you want, then you can make it happen.  It will just take time, patience, hard work and sticking to a well thought out plan to make it come together.

     In closing I would just like to say that there are many people that become successful by going to college and utilizing their degree.  There are also people that do not reach any level of success by getting a college degree.  There are also people that are extremely successful and satisfied that work in the trades and service industries.  In the U.S., most people seem to be encouraged to attend college in order to find a good job.  That is not always the best plan for each person.  Every person is not suited for college.  Some people make great livings by doing things that are not taught in colleges. 

     Going to college just to "go to college" will probably not do much good if there is not a plan in place for utilizing the degree.  Asking yourself, "Will this degree help me to do what I want to do?" is a very useful and important question to ask.  If a college degree will not assist you in attaining your goals then a different path should most likely be taken.

     That is an excellent question.  It is a a question that I could probably write an entire book on but, for the sake of this blog, I will limit my answer to a couple of key points.  Before I answer the question I do want to point out that not all marriages are less satisfying than their preceding relationships.  We all hear about failed marriages, unhappy marriages and the high divorce rates but, there are happy and fulfilling marriages out in the world.  There are people who learn to make marriages work and who get a great deal of satisfaction out of them.  It is a shame we don't hear more about those marriages.     

Point #1  Negative patterns have not yet been identified as problematic. 

     While negative patterns can develop at the start of a relationship, it usually takes awhile for the patterns to be recognized as a problem.  The early stages of a relationship are sometimes characterized by each member of the couple being so enraptured by the other that they overlook the behaviors that might normally be considered irritating or problematic.  Even if troublesome behavior is noted, it is often cast aside as trivial.  This can be due to the mystifying nature of being in love.  Being in love can alter the vision of a person to only focus on the positive attributes of their mate.  When negative behaviors are not dealt with early in the relationship, they will most likely surface later on (such as in the marriage) as a problem.  What was once considered "cute" or "quirky" behavior in a partner could eventually be considered highly frustrating or irritating behavior.  It is important even in the beginning stages of a relationship to figure out what behavior patterns or personality traits in your partner might cause issues for you down the road.  Bringing those issues out into the open and working through them early on prevents turmoil down the road and starts improving the relationship right from the beginning.

Point #2  People sometimes stop trying to impress each other after marriage.

     Before marriage, partners in a relationship are usually trying to impress each other to the extent of getting the other person to like them enough to consider marrying them.  People make many efforts to impress the person they are interested in marrying.  They try to act on their best behavior, they try to look their best, they try to meet the other person's needs as best as they can as well as many other things.  All too often husbands and wives stop trying to impress each other after marriage.  Once they get married, they no longer put in the same amount of effort into the relationship, they no longer go the extra mile to satisfy their spouse's needs.  I compare this situation to the difference that sometimes occurs between college athletes and professional athletes.  Some people prefer to watch college athletes instead of professional athletes because they feel that the college players play with more integrity.  The college athletes are trying to look their best in order to make it into the professional leagues.  In short, they want to impress the professionals.  Just like some married couples who put on a great pre-marriage show and drop the ball during marriage, there are some athletes that are phenomenal college players and turn out to be lousy professional athletes.  The final goal set by some is just to become a professional athlete or just to become married.  The problem arrives when that final goal is attained and there are no further goals to achieve.  If there is no goal to have a lifelong marriage that is satisfying to both partners then, most likely there will not be one. 

     Marriage takes a lot of effort to maintain.  Some people think that they can stop working at the relationship once they get married.  The people that have successful marriages are the ones that start trying even harder once they get married!