MyThoughts

Here are 5 tips to keep in mind when choosing a counselor or a therapist:

• Find a counselor who can understand you and your needs: It is important that you find a counselor who can listen well and understand what it is that you are trying to convey.  Is the counselor asking enough questions?  Is the counselor asking the right questions?  If you feel like you are being misunderstood, then you might consider trying to find another counselor.   
• Find a counselor that will challenge you: One of the reasons counseling can be so effective is because it can make you look at your life more realistically.  If you have low self-esteem, a good counselor will challenge you to improve your self-image and not just flatter you in an attempt to boost your self-esteem artificially.  An effective counselor will be more proactive by giving you tasks and assignments to help you improve your situation.  If you feel like you are not being challenged, then maybe it is time to find another counselor.   
• Find a counselor that you can trust and connect with: It is imperative to find a counselor to whom you feel connected with and with whom you feel safe.  One of the goals in counseling should be to intentionally let yourself feel vulnerable to the counselor.  While that might seem frightening, that is one very important process that promotes growth from learning that you can put your trust in someone without becoming devastated by the aftermath.  Enabling yourself to feel vulnerable means that you must feel safe and be able to trust the counselor. 
• Find a counselor that will accept your true identity: The only way that you can feel safe disclosing personal information to a counselor is to know that the counselor is not passing judgment on you.  No matter how ridiculous or repulsive you may think your thoughts or feelings are, it is the job of the counselor to accept you for who you are and not to dispense judgments or preconceptions.
• Finding the appropriate counselor may take patience and persistence: If you are interested in making progress in your treatment, then rule number one is not to settle for a counselor that you feel will not be able to help you to your fullest extent.  Just like any other profession, there are good and bad counselors in the field.  Several research studies have shown that the theoretical approach or even the credentials of a counselor or therapist do not matter as much as the relationship that is developed between the counselor and the client.  This analogy may illustrate the point better; it is possible to walk several miles in a pair of shoes that do not fit or that are uncomfortable.  However, walking several miles in the right pair of shoes will most likely get you there faster and make the whole experience more enjoyable along the way. 

    
Sincerely,

Nathan M. Comerford, MA, LLPC, NCC

• If you or someone you know needs to speak to someone regarding relationship issues, emotional difficulties or mental health problems, help is a phone call away.  Schedule an appointment today!
  Just call (248) 932-7799 to set up an appointment with
  Nathan Comerford, MA LLPC NCC.
      
  Visit www.thoughtperspectives.com for more information on counseling and psychotherapy!
  
  Visit the "Ask the Counselor" Blog at:www.thoughtperspectives.com/blog
  
• This is a question and answer blog where Nathan answers questions concerning mental health topics.
•  If you have a question, you can send it to: questions@thoughtperspectives.com to have it answered by: Nathan Comerford, MA, LLPC, NCC.

Nathan M. Comerford is a psychotherapist in Farmington Hills, MI who has been helping people with their relationship issues, emotional difficulties and mental health problems for the past 8 years. 

Thought Perspectives Counseling
31275 Northwestern Hwy., Suite 120
Farmington Hills, MI 48334
Phone: (248) 932-7799
www.thoughtperspectives.com

Premarital counseling is perhaps the most important thing a couple can do to prepare for marriage.  For those that are serious about fulfilling the needs of their loved ones and making marriage last, premarital counseling needs to become a priority. 

Over the years I have encountered many couples that have been reluctant to initiate premarital counseling for numerous reasons.  Some couples believe that they know each other so well that there is nothing a counselor can say to improve their relationship.  To those couples I will say that all couples can benefit from having an objective evaluation done by a well trained counselor.  Not all couples going into marriage need a complete relationship overhaul but, even those with minimal problems could benefit from some tweaking.  I feel that is better to be over-prepared than to be under-prepared when it comes to making life changing decisions like getting married.  Other couples shy away from premarital counseling because they are afraid that the counseling process might illuminate the many faults in their relationship.  They would rather go into the marriage blindfolded and hope that their problems will magically work themselves out, in which case marital discord or divorce is imminent. 

Lastly, there are couples that feel premarital counseling is just too expensive.  I have heard statements like, "We just don't have the money for premarital counseling with all of our other wedding expenses".  The average cost of a wedding in the U.S. is approximately $30,000.  The average cost of a wedding in Farmington Hills, MI is about $40,000 with an upward range of $50,000.  Those numbers do not even include the cost of the engagement ring and the honeymoon.  The typical couple also budgets for less than 50% of what they spend on a wedding.  People spend a superfluous amount of money on churches, halls, cakes, gowns, photographers as well as many other things for a wedding and they conclude that they cannot afford premarital counseling.  They have their budget completely upside down.  Couples need to start with premarital counseling and end with all the other stuff.  After all, is not the marital relationship the most important part of the marriage?

Divorce statistics alone should be enough to get people to engage in premarital counseling.  According to the Michigan Department of Community Heatlh, the average percentage of marriages ending in divorce in 2005 was 58% in the State of Michigan.  The percentage of divorce in the tri-county area (Oakland, Macomb, Wayne) reached 60% in 2005.  Premarital counseling was invented to prevent divorce and protect the marital relationship.  Those who think that you do not have to emotionally prepare for marriage are fooling themselves.  Premarital counseling helps couples prepare for the inevitable tough times and disagreements in marital life.  

The decision to spend the rest of your life with someone can be an overwhelming thought, which is exactly why couples should not enter into a marriage without being completely prepared.  Couples in today's society face higher demands than ever before and they seem to have less support.  Managing dual careers and raising children at the same time requires that couples have a strong relationship which includes; well established abilities of communication, competence of conflict resolution and the facility to set goals together.  Every advantage is needed for couples to survive in today's marriages.  

Comprehensive research on the effectiveness of premarital counseling has shown that couples who go through premarital counseling gain a 30% increase in overall relationship quality and interpersonal skills (Carroll & Doherty, 2003).  The same study also showed that the positive effects of premarital counseling can happen immediately within the relationship.

If you are interested in protecting your marriage, contact Nathan Comerford at Thought Persectives Counseling to schedule an appointment!

Phone: (248) 932-7799         Email: ncomerford@thoughtperspectives.com

For more information on premarital counseling or other types of counseling please visit www.thoughtperspectives.com.